CONTENT WARNING FOR GORE AND NSFW DUH. 18+

Fucked up fact about me: I had a 3 year hyperfixation on Hannibal (2013). It tickled all my funny bones like Cannibalism (very funny), Vegan Propaganda (based), Gay People (incredibly humorous type of people), Anti-Psychiatry Propaganda (psychiatrists are fucked up).

I still like it thooooooooooooooooo but I HATE the fandom!!1 They get everything wrong!!! so today u will LEARN why they are WRONG!!!!!!! aka im jsut gonna complain

Will Graham

This lad give me the guffaw and chuckle. Fandom will try to paint him as a sad little meow meow that slicks omega juice from his ass but THEY ARE WRONG! Majority of the seasons (S2 and S3) are spent with him fucking up the Cannibal Man's life. Like trying to bone him but also trying to kill him, ruining the Euro's love prospects forever. This is one of the Top 10 Most Fucked Up Twinks.

The dynamic of Hannibal and Will is EQUAL PARTNERSHIP. Yes it starts out as Hannibal trying to manipulate Will into "becoming" (pretentious fucking bitches), but Will Graham becomes something that is outside of Hannibal's control. Hell, There's a whole fucking quote about it. YOU KNOW HOW BAD OF A HYPERFIXATION I HAD TO BE ABLE TO REMEMBER DIALOGUE???

With all my knowledge and intrusion... I could never entirely predict you. I can feed the caterpillar and I can whisper through the chrysalis, but... what hatches, follows its own nature and is beyond me.

People who make him an omega MUST make him an annoying dom omega or I'll kill your fic!!!

Secondly, I'm fine with hcing him as autistic. In fact, i hc him as one too. But it's important that he is first and foremost, an adult who can function in society. The only reason why he was so fucked up was because his brain was literally being boiled alive, you idiots. I know all of you fuckers are like queer teens who never had to function as a 30 year old person before, but please don't infantilise the autistic man jesus christ.

Also very important to include in ur fics: stupid fucking dialogue. Here let me give u an example from tumblr user super-who-locked-me-in-here:

Hannibal: Eventually, we are all called back to the earth, away from our loved ones, where the darkness overtakes us and we become one with the worms and fungi that consume us, and wait to be loved again in whatever form we become next. Tell me Will, if I became a worm, would you still love me?
Will: I’d pierce you on a hook and use you to catch fish. The only way you could purposefully serve me is by giving up your life for my satisfaction
Hannibal, already reaching for a knife: 😍 Ok

1. Very Serious Discussion about Ridiculous Topic. 2. Will being a bitch. 3. Hannibal simping and resisting his urge to eat Will's dick (literally/metaphorically).

A trope that I hate is him being Abigail's dad. He didn't even form a relationship with her!! It's all a one-sided bond on his side due to his hyperempathy. I don't think Abigail liked him that much beyond using cannibal daddy money for her future which, good for her tbh!

anyway, don't let haters tell u dissociating and then randomly accusing the killer isnt a valid tactic in amogus

Hannibal Lecter

Firstly if u tell me u kin him, i will say u are stupid idiot pee poo because you actually kin Mads Mikkelsen playing Hannibal. Next, he's the funniest goofiest goober in the show. Sure he's like an awful person, but he's also a simp and thats rly funny️.

Every conversation where he's a simp goes like this

Will: makes basic pun

Hannibal: hee hee haa haa hoo hoo u are so hilarious beloved husband ️❤️ only u and i know slicing gingers = killing irl gingers ❤️ btw what is that i SMELL??? D:

He gave up hios alpha posturing so b adly, he couldnt even enjoy his favouritest place in all of Europe because hes just so sad moping over Will. what is that stupid cheesy shit will says again??

We’re conjoined. I’m curious whether either of us can survive separation.

Mine? Before you, and after you. Yours? It’s all starting to blur.

Hannibal is bending over RIGHT NOW to take it up the ass (because we all know he wants to be fucked. Despite being seen as an intelligent manipulative devil figure (this isn't wrong), he's also actually fairly impulsive and loves to be a little whimsical goofy goober. There are a lot of intelligent characters in this show, but the two of them have their autism braincells align on the same wavelength, and that's why they are attracted to each other.

He's also a weeaboo btw. His first love was his aunt and he spends his time collecting Japanese armory. He spent his teen years hunting Nazis with a katana.

Final funny image dump